Should You Follow Your Custody Order Exactly? How Flexibility Can Help (Or Hurt) You

If you've recently divorced or broken up with the other parent of your child, you may have become well acquainted with custody orders. Below is a brief overview of the intended purpose of a custody order, as well as a breakdown of when flexibility in the custody order can be helpful and when it can be harmful.

What is a Custody Order's Intended Purpose?

A custody order is a court-ordered document that outlines the parenting time of each parent, as well as any specifics related to said parenting time (such as who will pick up and drop off, where will pick ups and drop offs happen, etc.).

When parents divorce or break up, a custody order is put in place to ensure that the children involved get to see both of their parents. The majority of custody orders are quite specific and cover such issues as who will pick the children up from daycare/school, who will have the children for the majority of the time, and who will be responsible for different things (bringing children to and from their activities, doctor's appointments, etc.).

When Should You Consider Flexibility?

It's always better for the children when contact between both parents happens on a regular basis. If you and your ex get along, then being flexible with the custody order can be beneficial for all involved.

When you have a good relationship with your ex, it helps to think of the custody order as a minimum guideline for parenting time. This means that even if the non-custodial parent is court ordered to only have every other weekend, it doesn't hurt you in any way to invite them to spend more time with the children during your scheduled parenting time. This is great for the children, and it can also be beneficial for you if, in the future, your ex tries to claim you don't facilitate a relationship between your ex and the children.

When Is Flexibility Harmful?

Unfortunately, not all relationships between exes are on the best terms, and this can cause difficulties when it comes to being flexible with parenting time.

If, for example, your ex has repeatedly abused the flexibility you offer or refuses to comply with the court order (i.e. continually late to pick up or drop off, starts fights during pick up and drop off), you have every right to stick to the court-ordered custody schedule. There is nothing wrong with sticking to boundaries, especially if physical, emotional, or verbal abuse is a common thread in your relationship with your ex.

The advice above is not intended to be legal advice. If you're struggling with understanding your custody order or how certain actions can impact it, consult with legal professionals such as Larson, Latham, Huettl Attorneys.


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